3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dear god my vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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