I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
