Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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