I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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