his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
