Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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