my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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