The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So squirting runs in the family.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
