I like to think it a success when the cops are called
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
