the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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