I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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