Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
