There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
