Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
