ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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