I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
