First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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