Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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