nut hugger
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
