Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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