This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
