remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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