you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
