hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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