My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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