her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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