do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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