We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
