farters have to be the big spoon...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
