i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
