Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
