Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
