Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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