Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
