party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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