Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My dick has a subreddit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
