I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
