I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize