Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
