If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
