I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
