Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
