guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize