never play flip cup with pint glasses
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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