Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
