Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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