shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
