Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
