if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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