my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
