So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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