you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
