my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
