Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
