he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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