Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
