Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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