I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
