The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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