I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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