It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
