So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
