pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
