Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
